Why I Didn’t Finish: Ophelia – Lisa Klein

Remember that stupid, sappy love book I told you about?

I quit reading it.

No joke, the day I made The Amazing Morse post official I quit reading Ophelia by Lisa Klein.

I couldn’t handle the romance passion love.

Title: Ophelia
Written by: Lisa Klein
Genre: Romance
Publisher: Bloomsbury USA Childrens
Publication Date: October 30, 2006
Paperback: 328 pages

“I dream of Elsinore Castle, a vast stone labyrinth. At its center, the great banquet hall, warmed by leaping fires, where courtiers passed like lifeblood through a heart, where King Hamlet and Queen Gertrude reigned, the mind and soul that held the whole body together. Now all fire and all flesh are but cold ashes.
I dream of my beloved, the witty, dark-haired Prince Hamlet, before he was taken from me by madness and death. ” (Page 1-2)

Shakespeare’s Hamlet told from Ophelia’s point of view. NOW WITH EXTRA ROMAMCE!

I hated this book.

Why, you ask?

There was a lot of kissing, romantic passion, suggestive content, potential rapists, and teenagers making love to each other.

On the bright side there wasn’t much swearing.

Okay, so now that I think about the original story of Hamlet, it should have been blatantly obvious to me what I was getting myself into.

My only excuse is that there was a Harry Potter connection.

I’m kind-of  a diehard Harry Potter fan. I own Harry Potter clothes, blankets, keychains, bags, books, magazines, movies … etc., I go to and/or volunteer for Harry Potter Festivals and I’ve even listened to Evanna Lynch’s(Luna Lovegood) podcast about whether Vegans can be wizards.

But more than anything else I check out what new films the Harry Potter stars are in.

I actually spent an hour watching clips from Now You See Me 2 because Daniel Radcliff is in it.

But getting back to Ophelia …

Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy) portrays Laertes in the recently released film Ophelia, which – you guessed it – is based on Lisa Klein’s book.

So naturally, once I knew he was in the film I wanted to read the book.

I got it from the library, read a hundred pages in, and then Hamlet and Ophelia made love in the moonlight.

I’m done.

I am so, so done with this book.

It was bad enough they never stopped kissing but…

Done.

On a less inappropriate level, I didn’t like how the author tried to write like she was Shakespeare, i.e. “lifeblood“. (see beginning quote)

I prefer survivalblood, or existenceblood, or – on a rare occasion – vitalityblood.

Also, the writing kept swinging back and forth between modern and Shakespeare and I think the book would have been better if the author had simply written it modern style.

Yeah, so all of this to say I don’t recommend Ophelia to anyone.

For More Information About the Book or Author Click: HERE

Age Range – (I really would prefer NOT to give an age range but…) Adult

Cautions –

*DISCLAMER: I DIDN’T FINISH THE BOOK SO THERE IS PROBABLY MORE STUFF I DON’T KNOW ABOUT BUT JUST THINK OF WHAT’S IN THE ORGINAL HAMLET *

Violence: People die. The king was poisoned. People fight. Ophelia is attacked by a dog.

Sensuality: TOO MUCH – please make the pain stop. Kissing, (ahem) making love, a boy tries to get Ophelia to lift her skirts for him, and the Queen has erotic novels read to her before bed.

Profanity: Devil, (someone is called a) beast, h–l.

Other(drugs/alcohol): People drink wine. Lots of people lie. Ophelia’s father ignores her unless he needs her for something. People bribe others. There was a bunch of other stuff I’d write down if I hadn’t already thrown away my Cautions sheet for Ophelia.

Personal Rating: 0 out of 5 stars
Cleanness Rating: 1 out of 5 stars